Category Archives: Personal

Depression and my “youtube soapbox”

Hello, again the spates of writing I do on this blog is telling of a lot of things, heh. Long story short, I’m currently in therapy for depression. Honestly, I’m glad I’ve come to a point where I can accept a problem where I see it, and hopefully the therapy does me good and helps me stay in the best mental state possible. I have 15+ posts on different subjects I’ve wanted to finish and with some help I think I can try and be more consistent.

Ironically, I’m also creating a new category in which I decide to do one of the worst things someone with depression could do: look at youtube comments. I’ve done this for a while, and decided that I should create a series of comments from youtube I’ve responded to, just to show how I view certain topics and what I stand for. It’s been so easy to write out eloquent responses on youtube(surprisingly) that I just had to take the opportunity to share it and spark discussion on what I said. If the comment chain I participate in is/gets long enough I’ll try to keep things summarized in updated posts. This should be fun haha.

– A bard who doesn’t fit his title. And the rickety keys to tick. 

P.s. I keep the herp derp addon on Chrome handy, no need to actually worry about my mental state when I get on my soapbox.

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So it’s been a while

The past two weeks have been an interesting set of weeks and ended in ways I really wish it wouldn’t have. But in retrospect maybe I would have wanted it to? I dunno.

Writing for Pixel Dynamo has been a lot of fun, even if it’s been simple news reporting. It’s not too time consuming although the beginning was a little rough. I mean, this is literally the first time I ever really wrote anything in the format and now that I’m doing it as a trend it’s been interesting.

I’d have been able to blog more if it wasn’t for the fact that wifi at home has seriously been an issue, slowing down the process of writing articles down a lot. Plus, since I want to write on media like anime and cartoons, if I can’t even load the page I doubt I’ll ever be able to progress in the ways that I want to, which sucks. But such is life and I’m coping.

Coping could be the alternate title, actually. My dad just discovered I’m an atheist, though I’m certain that it wasn’t too hard to guess over the past month. The conversation started off with asking about why I don’t see design in the world. I said I didn’t even know how you can see design, given that most of what we call design is “designed” because we know who designed it. I’m planning to write out my take on design later, but that’s a conversation I really enjoy thinking about, whatever the conclusion.

The other point was, of course, morality. I can say I did a bad job on making my point on it when we talked, and the whole “authority” thing irked me. It’d take a lot more than I think I’d be able to articulate in person in order to settle why I disagree with the premise of authority so much. But I never did get to point out the biggest point: Morality in itself can’t lead people to believe that a god exists. The statement “You can’t have morality without god” fails before it’s uttered if it’s being used when we’re still talking about god and his existence. It’s like saying “You can’t have crop circles without aliens” Both statements are contingent on the existence of god or aliens and this point must be proven first to make the statement “You can’t have X without Y”

Essentially, we live in a world where people have morals. IF god exists, then he was the cause of it. (well, specifically, if the christian god exists or any god purported to be the cause of morals exist) If he doesn’t, then we necessarily got our morals elsewhere. My dad also briefly mentioned that faith precedes belief. While it’s finally nice to stop wondering about how my parents would apply faith, this point isn’t to hard to address the problems to. Of course, this depends on his definition of faith. He can’t say faith means belief, unfortunately that much is clear. If he means trust, I have a post about why trust cannot precede belief coming up that would clear things up. Though the point is kind of obvious; how often do we ever trust something without first having evidence or at least believing that something is real? Well, at least, how can we do so and not understand how susceptible to delusion and confirmation bias we would be. Just because I trust something doesn’t mean it’s true no matter the conviction.

The larger point is that religion is the only place where faith then applies. I mean really, no one has faith that their car will run if they haven’t seen it run before. Or at least trust the people building it, which would also be based on even more evidence through the experiences of previous cars made by the same company. It’s totally justified to assume/have faith that the car will run. And even if you don’t have faith, the car’s running is neither guaranteed or at all affected by my having faith. Instead of worrying about conviction, try it out. Drive it around. Use the “test drive” option before you buy. Anything but put yourself in a position where you must have faith without evidence when you don’t need to.

Another concern is that my dad has an issue with me cursing, and I could write an essay about my views on cursing. Though the point he made still stood; I really ought to work on leaving the cussing out of the really thoughtful posts, as it may not be the place. Especially if my audience is people who do not like to read cursing.

So yeah, I have a lot to write on and hopefully I can use the weekend to knock some of these issues of the table. Hopefully I can express where I stand with all these things well enough so I don’t end up circumlocuting and dancing around points, because man I think I sounded more unsure about morality than I honestly am.

Me and Pixel Dynamo

So I’m going to be writing for a gaming journalism website. I’m going to try for three posts a week up on this blog but it’ll be a squeeze outside of weekends given my priorities right now.

Which basically is: hunt fer some news and right about it twice a day. Honestly as “demoralizing” as some think it, I look forward to the challenge of writing and re-immersing myself into a world I only view from a consumer standpoint.

Honestly, the hold up on posts will settle come a week’s time when I’m assimilated into the world of reporting.

So we’ll see!

-A happily busy bard

Small time blogger woes

So my base of operations is a harddriveless macbook pro ’08 edition running off of ubuntu 14.14 LTS’s live cd on a usb. The CD Drive is broken too, bear with me. Needless to say I’m struggling right now.

Either way, this situation has forced me to run on a sort of temporary desktop where I must save my files on a usb so that my files aren’t lost between boots and all of my lovely writings don’t evaporate into the void.  (it’s definitely worth figuring out where these files even go everytime I need to shut down)

Why am I saying all this? For the past few days, I’ve been noticing that I’ve gotten at least one view daily. Considering how long ago I started posting, I’m cool with this. In fact, I’m happy that someone actually wants to hear what I have to say (read what I have to write blah blah)

But I think I know who’s been on my profile every day. See, given my situation, I always have to log in daily because of the hard reset my computer goes through. And every day, I access my blog page first and sign in through the link there. My site has been logging everytime I do this as a bloody view.

I feel like Jon from Garfield right now. In a particular comic strip, Jon finds a dollar on the floor. And another. And another. By the time he’s announcing his “luck” off panel, Garfield smirks at the readers and goes “There’s a hole in his pocket”

Fuck.

-A lonely self-proclaimed bard

P.s. If anyone comes across this and knows the strip I’m talking about, lemme know where to find it for viewer reference!

Closet Atheist, Frugal Gamer, Media Binging Procrastinator who calls himself Bard

Let’s be serious, though. Urban Dictionary, the place where all commonplace wordage goes to die and be reborn anew from the ashes, says this about bards:

From the Gaelic “bàrd”. A poetmusician, and entertainer. Also called a “minstrel” in some circles. Known through Latinas a “troubadour“.

And even then I don’t quite come close. Yeah, yeah. I draw some. I guess it’s entertaining, now especially given my skill. (lack there of)

But the term comes near and dear to my heart, and even though the days of my word weaving has past me by, on the B train where soon our paths may once more cross, I still love the term. So screw you, Oxford. Screw you, Merriam and you as well, Webster. I’ll use the word as I see fit. And lookie here, an electronic type writer to officiate the moment!

Bard: Anyone and everyone who chooses to express themselves through the art of music, the art of writing, or the art of visuals and drawings.

Fresh of the pages. New definitions in the making.

And the keys go tick.