On Casual Sex

“At work watching Valerie Hubert give a presentation on the physical and emotional dangers of our sexual culture while thinking about personal stories I have heard. What a multi-task.

Inside of [omitted]’s Head:

Casual sex..including any sex outside of a commitment, does not give freedom. Instead it enslaves one to insecurities, guilt, false expectancy and a broken heart

My conclusion:

The danger of lust is the imaginary world it creates.

The consequence of lust is that world crashing in.


I don’t usually feel like responding to posts like this but I have a lot to say about how false the idea of casual sex being inherently bad is. In today’s culture, I agree that casual sex carries with it a lot of shame. It’s certainly not inherent, as many people who care little for what society thinks can have casual sex without feelings of heartache and loss. Hell, I’ve never felt guilt or shame when I have casual sex.


How does casual sex give way to insecurities? Guilt? A broken heart? In a culture that shames sex in general, it’s easy to see how the first two are cultivated within some people. Especially with the fact that the idea brings forth images of half drunk, half high on godknowswhat and barely conscious romps through the night, it’s no wonder that people are ashamed of casual sex. How is this a way to live, let alone enjoy the sex? Casual sex has become so taboo that it gets paired up with the second most taboo activity adolescents and young adults enjoy: partying. Given all the underage drinking that goes on in most parties, this taboo at least isn’t all too surprising. How in the world has something so simple and enjoyable gotten pair up with the loud ruckus that parties engender?


The answer isn’t all that surprising. Religion has had a firm grip around the balls of sex almost since inception. Anything outside the very strict parameters of sex from a religious context has been toted as shameful for so long that even if the practice isn’t inherently bad, shame, guilt, and insecurity is inevitable. There are many verses that I could point to that elaborate on this fact, but pastors hold a true monopoly on sex shaming. Most people don’t read the bible enough to understand the need for sex shaming anyway. Sex outside of marriage isn’t the problem. The lack of proper sex ed in schools and the shame game toted with it has made casual sex so unfortunate for many participants. People who have sex while holding this kind of shame are more likely to get STD’s and get pregnant because of ignorance and shame towards contraception, thus perpetuating the shame cycle. It’s an almost ingenious system if it weren’t for that fact that I doubt that this was the intended result.

Also, a quick point about the whole broken heart business: if you have sex and you and your partner consensually agree to a purely sexual relationship, no one is going to feel heartbroken. Period.


The ending quote made by my dear family member could be reworded for similar effect:


My conclusion:

The danger of sex shaming is the imaginary world it creates.

The consequence of sex shaming is that world crashing in.


-A self proclaimed Bard


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